UPDATED Bucket List

“Consciously seek out experiences that expand your sense of who you are and what you are capable of.”


I have been working on a NEW UPDATED Bucket List. This isn't everything, it seems to grow day by day. But, these are some thing's I would LOVE to do one day.

**I will continue adding to this list**

1. Either marry Cliff at a tropical destination or honeymoon with Cliff at a tropical destination. (either works for me!) :)
2. Become a Elite Beachbody Coach
3. Move to a tropical destination ( we would love to move out of the country one day)
4. Travel to: Bora Bora, Fiji, Mexico, Dominican Republic, Belize, Antigua, Anguilla and British Virgin Islands to name a few....(this list will grow! lol
5. Scuba dive at those ^^^^ destinations as well! (***Scuba dive the Galapagos Islands***)
6. Scuba dive with sharks (and sea turtles just not together lol)
7.Take a photography class
8. Learn under water photography
9. FINANCIAL FREEDOM....Live in the positive!!
10. Run a half marathon
11. Hike in the rain forest
12. Build a home (somewhere warm and tropical...maybe out of the country^^)
13. Visit The Mel Fisher Museum in Key West, FL (dive while we're in Key West)
14. Continue my healthy lifestyle!!
15. To PERSONALLY meet my Beachbody team...that would be AWESOME!!
16. To continue to grow as a person and not let fear ever hold me back. To always look back and see how far I have came. Never take for granted the love that is given to me and to always show the love I have.
17. Be creative; craft
18. Vacation with the kids
19. Take more diving classes
20. To INSPIRE. Help people change their lives...to be healthier.

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My Old Bucket List

Going through an OLD notebook earlier today, I came across this old "bucket list" I made when I turned 30. Back then I never thought any of them would happen! It's kinda sad how short and mundane this list is...for a bucket list!

1. Lose weight

2. Run a 5K race of some sort BEFORE I am 32

3. Take a photography class

4. Make a CHANGE

5. Grow out my hair and donate it to Lock's of Love

6. Learn to knit

7. Craft more

8. Go on a vacation

9. Get a tattoo

10.  (I guess I couldn't come up with a number 10 at the time) 

Well, I have actually done a lot of these things I listed. Honestly, at that point in my life I NEVER thought they would happen! Here is what I have done!

1. Lose weight ** So far I have lost 60 lbs! **

2. Run a 5K race of some sort BEFORE I am 32 ** I will be 33 in March, but I have TWO 5K's planned                for this year!! **

3.Take a photography class.  ** I haven't done this yet **

4. Make a CHANGE ** Boy did I ever! So many things have changed. I'm LOVING life! Most of all I found the love of my life **

5. Grow out my hair and donate it to Lock's of Love ** I haven't done yet **

6. Learn to knit. ** I haven't done yet **

7. Craft more. ** Sadly, I craft LESS. But, I have so many other thing's I do. On occassion I do though! **

8. Go on a vacation. ** We went on an AMAZING 8 day vacation to Cozumel in June 2012 **

9. Get a tattoo. ** I got my 1st one when I was 30. I hate it. I have 2 more that I have gotten since...that I love! **

10. Previously left blank. I have a whole new list in the making! LIFE IS MEANT TO BE LIVED!!! STAY TUNED!

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2013

Wow, it's been a few weeks since I posted! I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of this new year. I really feel like this will be my year to hit my big goals! Do do write goals down?

"A GOAL PROPERLY SET IS HALFWAY REACHED." Zig Ziglar

Here are SOME of my goals for 2013:

1.) Get to my goal SIZE (7/8)
2.) Save enough money for a vacation
3.) Buy scuba gear (waiting on #1 to happen!)
4.) Dive more! (and maybe take another class)
5.) Start running (I have 2- 5k runs in my future! Mud Run and Color Run)
6.) Look good in a swimsuit (important for #2 & #4)
7.) To be able to do a REAL push up
8.) Start and finish Insanity
9.) Get family pictures made
10.) Read more personal development

11.) Blog MORE

12.) Get organized

"If you don't see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner."  Zig Ziglar

"If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want." 

Zig Ziglar

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Where There Is Hope, There Is A Way

I never intended on sharing my life story with the world....or with most people for that matter. Mostly, I never wanted it to seem like I was out for sympathy and I didn't think anyone would ever care about hearing details of my life. Other than people who personally know me and actually seen my life first hand, I have only shared this with very few. But, after opening up to these few people, they made me realize that if I open up and share my story maybe I can help someone who is living the same way. To show them there is hope and freedom and I am here to tell you... there is. So, if I can help just ONE person, then it'll be worth it. I have often heard people say there isn't such thing as mental abuse...THERE is. I lived it. Longer than I should have. Lesson learned. This doesn't hit the amount of MENTAL abuse I endured. I lived this life for nearly 11 years, in hopes of change. People like this never change. All it did was break me. Made me lose any self respect I had. Most days I felt lost. Food was my comfort. I got to where I didn't care about myself. But, today, my life is a total turn around. I've never been happier or more loved and in love. With someone new of course. But, never the less HAPPINESS can happen. I promise, I have lived through hell and back. Happiness, love, support commitment and determination has helped me lose 60 pounds and I'm still going. So here is my story...well, the gist of it.

 I got married at the age of 19, I like to say I was young and dumb, excited to be a grown up. Later that year, I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. My first "incident" of abuse that I can recall was on the way to a doctors appointment (around 6 months along), I was driving and we were talking, I said something he didn't agree with and next thing I know he had knocked my head against the window. That was probably the start of the bad. Around this time our marriage started to change. He got to where he would yell at me and call me a name here and there. He didn't like my family coming around, unless it was at his benefit. I didn't have friends. His family were my only friends. During that pregnancy I gained a good 50 pounds. but I lost the weight really fast after having her. Not everything was bad at this time. Then, 21 months later I gave birth to my son, I gained 70ish pounds with his pregnancy. I really thought I would lose it quickly after having him. I was wrong! I was unhappy and depressed. Completely stressed. He worked, I stayed home with the kids. I loved being able to stay home with them, but he would throw it at me that I didn't make money staying home...and he didn't like to give me any. Things progressively got worse. I was scared to do anything, I was scared to leave the house, especially if he didn't know before hand. He's one of those who is right, even when wrong type people. I was always having to hide things from him, so I didn't get yelled at...for stupid things like, how much I spent at the store or who called on the phone that day. I almost wished we didn't have a phone, so it wouldn't ring. If I didn't have dinner ready by 5 when he got off of work, I had hell to pay... I got accused of everything under the sun. And if I burnt something or forgot to make something, I was IN TROUBLE. In his mind everything was about money...why show me love when he could just go buy me a new car (every other year)? Yes, who doesn't like a new car, but, I would've chose to be treated like a human over a new car. I turned to eating. It was all I had. I tried leaving him when my kids were 2 and 4, but he swore he would change and I believed him. Things seemed to be going great. I got pregnant again several months later AND then he went back to his old self. But, worse. I couldn't go ANYWHERE alone. At one point he would stand outside of the bathroom door and wait until I came out...he was making sure I wasn't calling someone. He did most anything that needed to be done outside of the house. I couldn't even go visit my grandma. All he ever wanted to do was fight. With this pregnancy I gained around 16 pounds and I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and I remember when the dietitian was teaching me how to do the insulin shots, she wanted him to try also and I refused! I hated needles enough as it was, I sure didn't want his help. Then, she was teaching him things to do in case of emergency, I thank God I never had to rely on him for any of that. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl shortly after. The months to follow were no different. He ended up sick and in the hospital, (we lived an hour from the hospital) so I decided to stay with my mom, for the help and to be close to the hospital. Why? I have no idea. Why did I care, when he didn't? When I told him I was staying with her, he cussed me. That day, my mom went and added me to her cell phone plan. It was a secret. She wanted me to have it in case of an emergency and so I could have contact with family without being yelled at.  Sad thing is, that week he was in the hospital was one of the nicest weeks I had in years. Nobody telling me what to do, I could drive around and not have to worry about being cussed for driving somewhere! I could answer the phone! After he returned home, I remember locking myself in the bedroom after a fight, just crying because I wanted out, HOPING for a change. I knew I was the only one in control of this. But, I didn't work, had no money, 3 kids and nowhere to go. I just didn't understand why he hated me so much. All I ever tried to do was keep the peace and have a happy life. But, it was far from any of that. We had gotten into a horrible fight one day and he said some AWFUL things to me. One, pretty much saying he didn't care if I was dead...just not in so many words. I took him seriously. That night I slept with my oldest daughter (who was almost 7) and laid there thinking of my plan to leave as he watched stalked me from around the corner. That morning, I packed up most of the house (with the help of his sister) while he was at work and took some money he had hid from me and got the heck out of there. We stayed with his family for a few days, then we went to my moms. The saying, blood is thicker than water is TRUE. They quickly turned on me. Within a few months I got me an apartment and got life situated. Things were good. I was happier than I had been in a very long time. He slowly started coming around being nice, wanting to do things as a family (first time ever). I didn't fall for it right away I kept my distance. We stayed separated for a year before I decided I would give him another chance. He moved in with us. I thought this way things were in my favor. If anyone was to move it would be him. Well, this was fine for a few months, then we started looking at buying another house. We found one, bought it and moved in. AGAIN, everything was fine for a short time. Slowly, his old way crept back in. I can't tell you how stupid I felt. How heartbroken I was. How BROKEN I was. Being cussed daily, there wasn't A DAY that went by I wasn't called a stupid "B" or a whore, told I was worthless, stupid, good for nothing, etc. really payed a toll on my mind. Eventually, after years of hearing this I believed him. It was like he brainwashed me. I was SCARED to make decisions or think for myself, so I looked to him for all of that. If I chose the wrong thing, I was yelled at and cussed. I became severely depressed. He used to tell me nobody will ever want me, while he will have a line of women outside of his door. Because, I just didn't know how good I have it and  they would appreciate him. Funny how a man who belittles women, even his own mother can expect appreciation. Someone who didn't care if I got a flat tire or ran out of gas because he didn't think he should have to give me gas money. Thank God for my dad, who helped me many times in those situations! During this time I reconnected with my best friend from high school...which he couldn't stand. Even though we didn't talk to each other for around 8 years, we picked up like we never stopped. She listened to me and like everyone else she told me to get out. Somehow I would make it. My weight had reached its all time high (highest that I know, I tried to stay away from the scale) of 245. I did diets and walked but, I had no "umph", he would tell me, I need to face it I was fat and I will always be fat. No, I was unhappy and stressed to the max, so I masked it with food. I made myself fat, but I knew I was the only one who could change it. I continued walking on eggshells, never knowing what was going to happen minute to minute. He could be fine and acting happy and the slightest thing would set him off. Made me scared to do anything. I was never good enough. I allowed this for 2 more years. Listening to him cuss me, yell at me and degrade before I said enough is enough. One big moment for me, was having family members from both sides tell me they worried about getting a phone call saying he killed me and the kids. That was enough. I was tired of being married to someone who obviously HATED me. I had mentioned divorce several times, but he wouldn't go for it. I told him he didn't want to be married to me and I didn't want to be married him anymore, so let's just get divorced and move on. He didn't take me seriously. In his eyes, I just wanted money out of him. On February 2, 2011, I made a decision I was leaving and I chose the date of March 1, 2011 (third times a charm, right?!). Only a few people knew of my plan. In that month I packed (what he couldn't see) and on March 1st I moved out with the help of my best friend (who risked it all to help me, even going back to the house ALONE to get stuff that we left behind), again while he was at work. It was by the Grace of God he didn't come home while we were packing our cars...he only works 5 min from the house. It was one of the scariest, most happiest days of my life (more than the 1st time I left)! We stayed with my mom again, but this time I got some help through a women's shelter. They recommended a lawyer, I filed for divorce and 4 months later it was finalized. This time, I moved away and never looked back.  I was happy to be "free".I have gone through days of deep depression, thinking I'm not good enough or wondering why someone could love me or would love me. I'm sure part of me will always be "cracked". Everyday is a new day and I have learned so much about myself. In 21 months, I have done more than in my entire adult life. Seriously, some of the smallest, simplest things you do everyday, I've just now done. I had always said I wish I could go back to that 19 year old girl because there is so much I would do over. But, I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't have 3 great kids. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes...everyone does. I've learned a great deal from mine. It has taught me to appreciate people not things. That happiness and love come first. Today, I have a GREAT man. He is my biggest supporter and has shown me what it feels like to be loved. He has shown me that not all men are that way. That I am capable of anything I put my mind to. The power of someone loving you and believing in you is one of the greatest gifts. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be a part of Beachbody (he bought me P90X for my birthday). Life is just now beginning for me and I love it! I will live it to the fullest! I can go on and on, but, I'm not. I know I'm not the only one to live like this. So, if you do, I just want you to know there are ways out of relationships like this. There is HOPE. There are "happily ever afters". If you need someone to talk to, who has been there, message me.... add me on Facebook. I know the fear of talking about it and worrying it will get back some how. ANYTHING said is ALWAYS confidential.

My life lesson here.....

These words are truer than TRUE!!

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***Emotional Abuse: the debasement of a person's feelings that causes the individual to perceive himself or herself as inept, not cared for, and worthless.***

                           " Love without compassion is possessive, controlling, and dangerous."

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Time to Be Real

I've decided it's time for me to be REAL with you...I don't like to put my weight out there for the world to see, BUT, I today I am BECAUSE I want YOU to see that your weight DOES NOT define YOU. People are people regardless of size! When, I decided it was time for me to make a change, I was finally in a happy place in my life for the first time in nearly 12 years. I had recently gotten a divorce (the BEST decision I EVER made), I moved 2 1/2 hours away from the ONLY place I really knew, my kids were thriving in their new environment and I was in a new and healthy relationship (we are still going strong almost 2 yrs later). I decided it was time for me to work on myself, at this point I weighed in at a whopping 245 lbs...probably not my highest, but, being that size I didn't want to know. The marriage I was in wasn't the best, I had no support in any way, so any motivation I ever got to lose weight was quickly swept under the rug. Eating was my therapy. It was my stress reliever. It was my happy place. Having Cliff (my boyfriend) in my life is one of the best things that could have happened to me. He has supported and believed in me from day 1. One September day, I decided to join a gym. Me and my self conscious, over weight self walking into that gym full of fit, skinny, healthy people was the HARDEST thing I had done at that point. I felt like all eyes were on me. I didn't go back for 3 days after I signed up. I was embarrassed. But, one day after dropping the kids off at school, I made myself go in. I walked on that treadmill for 2 hours. It took me 2 months of going everyday, Monday through Friday, 2 times a day, before I could gather the courage to do anything else. Luckily, one day a trainer came up to me and said, you know you walk an awful lot. What are your goals? I told him I wanted to lose weight and tone up. He said, well then walking isn't going to do that for you. And, he showed me some things to do. He worked with me on and off for the next several months. I was determined. Then, in March Cliff bought me P90X. I started that in April and quit the gym. Beachbody has changed my life. I'm not to my goal yet, but, it has given me so much more than the fitness aspect. It has taught me alot about myself, it taught me that I am the only person holding myself back from the things I want most in life, I have met so many AMAZING people and feel blessed to be given this opportunity to share this with others. To date I have lost 55 lbs and went from a size 18/20 to a 12 (some 10's) I'm still going. It's not about the number on the scale. Its about YOU feeling GOOD about where you are! I have noticed with each size I drop my confidence builds up. I often wonder why I ever let myself get to that point? But, really it don't matter now, I know I'm never going back. I just want you to know, I am here to help you!

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My Why

Everyone has there own reason's as to WHY they want to lose weight and/or get fit. For me, I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin, I wanted my kids to have a HEALTHY mom, I was in a new relationship (although, he loves me regrardless), I wanted to LIVE a LONG, HAPPY, HEALTHY and PRODUCTIVE life. I couldn't even lay down and breath normally, I was easily winded from the simplest movements. I feared what was going to happen to me if I didn't change. Obesity is a serious matter. So many problems come from being obese, you have a higher risk for gallstones, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and triglycerides, coronary artery disease (CAD), a stroke, and sleep apnea, among other conditions. On top of all that, I didn't like the way I felt about myself or looked in clothes, I had NO energy and I was depressed. I knew that if I wanted any of that to change it was up to me. Nobody else could do it for me. Like I've said in earlier post, I'm not where I want to be yet, but I feel SO much better 55lbs. lighter. I can breathe! Main things is my kids will have their mom! This is a LIFESTYLE change, something that I will live by forever. I'm thankful that fast food now makes me sick to my stomach and that I can't handle drinking soda. Those are 2 of the WORST thing we can put in our bodies. Healthy is out there we just have to have the will power to change and to stick with it. It is possible. What is your why?

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Changes

It's been a few months since I've blogged, but from here on out that all changes! So much has happened in the past few months. I'm still doing P90X, today is day 67! The scale isn't always my friend but I have gone down almost 2 sizes and it feels AMAZING! Last month I decided it was time to take this a step further...there aren't ANY programs out there that I believe in more than I do Beachbody. So, Ive became a Beachbody COACH! Yes, I'm still on my journey, but that makes it even better. I'm more accountable to my actions. I also hope my journey motivates and inspires others to make the change and get healthy. It's a journey worth taking. I'm getting my life back and building confidence that I haven't had. I'm finally figuring out who I WANT to be! I want to help people, I want to see them succeed in the things they want in life. I have met some AMAZING people in the past few months and they have really inspired me to become the best that I can! It's possible. persistance, determination and inspiration will get you where you want to be! I would love to hear from you and hear your goals. If you don't already have a free coach I would love to help you  https://www.teambeachbody.com/signup/-/signup/free?referringRepId=193357! We can make this journey together and change lives! What are you waiting for?? Send me a message and we can talk about what you want and what your goals are.

I started my 1st round of P90X in April and quit in my 1st week of my second block (before we went on vacation). With EVERY intention of restarting when we returned, I was full of excuses and didn't restart. Then, in September I restarted. ...

I pretty much maintained what I had lost in April and May thru

This is my 30 day results on this round of P90X. I won't take measurements or weigh until my 90 days are up.

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Learning About My Strengths

I took the weekend off...for a very good reason! I had my Open Water at the lake, I'm now a CERTIFIED PADI OPEN WATER SCUBA DIVER!!! I gotta tell ya it taught me how to over come fears and it taught me that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. It's all mind over matter! It was such an awesome experience, I am so glad I did it. I learned that scuba diving for 1 hour you burn 800 calories, so I didn't feel so bad skipping P90X. But, I was so wore out by the end of the day I couldn't do much. I left the house at 6a.m., drove 2 hours to the lake then carried  2 big bags (equipment), 2 tanks and an ice chest down to the boat then did my Open Water until around 4p.m., then carried everything BACK to the car! It was no easy task! lol. Then did it all over on Sunday. I loved it. I met some nice people and had a very nice, patient instructor! Nothing made me happier than the moment he shook my hand and said, "Congratulations, you passed"! Now, I'm ready to explore the underwater life. So amazing. But, its Monday, so I will be back at it in a few hours. I gotta get to my goal so I can buy all my equipment...and maybe even be able to wear a bikini under (my fingers are crossed)! : )

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Accountablity

June 2012

Hi, my name is Christie. I am a 32 year old stay at home mom of 3, and I have a very loving and supportive boyfriend. I have decided to write this blog to keep myself accountable to my weight loss and fitness goals. I've had issues with weight from the time I was a teenager. At the age of 18 I decided I was ready for a change so that summer I decided to go on the grapefruit diet...NASTY. But, I stuck with it and that summer I lost 50 lbs. The next year I got married and at the age of 20 I gave birth to my first daughter. Gaining 50 lbs while pregnant.  After her birth I lost every bit plus some and was the smallest I had ever been. By the age of 21 I was pregnant again. I wasn't so lucky on losing the weight this time. I gained 70lbs with my son. And kept it on. By the age of 25 I had had my youngest daughter. Through that pregnancy, because I was over weight, I had gestational diabetes. Through the years I kept all the weight on. Though I tried many times to lose...I always gave up. I was in a bad marriage and no support. Finally, in the summer of 2011, I got divorced  and it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders.  In September of 2011 I began my fitness journey (with my BIG goal being a size 12) weighing in at 245 (maybe more at some point before). I joined a gym and worked out 2 times a day for 2 hours each, while my kids were at school. Then in March of 2012 my boyfriend bought me P90X for my birthday. I lost 52 lbs and went from a size 18/20 to a comfortable 14 (and some 12's). I completed Phase 1 of P90X and began Phase 2, then in June we took a vacation to Mexico. Everything was put on hold! I have talked and talked AND TALKED about starting back up but never did...I lost my drive and gained a few pounds back. Up until vacation, my life revolved around clean eating,calorie counting and fitness. I have a awesome Beachbody Coach! She has motivated me and given me my drive back. I started P90X back last night and woke up this morning extremely sore! I LOVED IT. Today, my goal isn't a number or a size (though, I do have this cute little dress I want to fit in!). When I get to that place I want to be, I will know it! Beyond all things I want to be healthy for myself and my family. I want to feel comfortable in my body. While I am proud of the changes I have made, I want so much more. I'm gonna ROCK  these next 89 days! I'm gonna earn the body I've only dreamed of having. I won't give up or stop until I do!

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